October 16, 2014

Dear Ben; Four years ago you and I began something I realize now will never end for me. A story that will never turn its last page, that will never see its climax. You set the book down on this before I was done reading and I am left alone to wonder at the characters, their story. Maybe they’re both meant for better things. Or maybe neither of us will ever truly find what we’re looking for because on some level, we’re looking for better versions of each other. Maybe I’m being a silly lovesick girl. Maybe I’m being that girl from 2010 that loves the idea of this exotic man from Australia that calls me beautiful and tells me how much I build him up. Maybe I miss the first real spark I felt when someone told me they loved me. Maybe I miss that guy telling me how good I make him feel. I made you happy at one point, right? I know I did, I can feel it in a place that will always belong to you, no matter how many boys enter and exit my life, you will be the man I want. The only man I have ever wanted. I must have given you something or you wouldn’t have given me so much back in return. A man doesn’t spend over a 100 on flowers to send a girl because he feels sorry for her. I know at some point you must have loved me. You made me feel beautiful. You made me feel safe, and wanted, warm and loved the way every woman deserves to feel. And I miss you. I miss you and I am terrified that I will never find another man like you. Who am I kidding? Of course I’ll never find another man like you. You are absolutely unique. You are irreplaceable. You are once in a lifetime you are gone. I love you.