Dear Jared;
I'm getting really tired. Not the sleepy sort of tired but the energy that fuels your soul. It's like I run on batteries, and they don't charge the same, or at all anymore. I try and pour myself into things like Supernatural, or writing, or cleaning, or pairing things down and organizing. But now even that is exhausting. I am /barely/ hanging on and it's like some people just peck at my fingertips to see me lose my grip. Like they want me to fall.
But I want you to know, this fight is easier because of you. It's easier because you fight with us, you fight for us, and you teach us /how/ to fight. Having someone like you in my life (even from a distance) is so empowering. I see your tweets, I see your advice, I see your sheer gratitude for what you have and the things around you and it's a wake-up call. It's a distraction. It's been one very good thing in a long history of bad. Now... I'm not going to say my life is constantly terrible. I have a good life. And I can look at it as a whole and see that with a logical part of my brain. But the rest of my brain? Is speckled with doubt and darkness. It's like Swiss cheese, full of holes I constantly get trapped in.
So, thank you. For being a ... chunk of cheddar, I guess. You changed my life. After Supernatural is over, I'll be fine. Because family doesn't end with season 15, and I know you'll still be there, fighting right alongside us.
AKF - Patty
