Dear Jared;
Today was a good day. But the problem with good days is that they have the power to turn sour. Very fast.
I spent the day taking care of things I've needed to for a while. It feels good to cross things off a list. Especially when you've been down and it's exhausting to do anything. Sometimes I don't want to get out of bed. Sometimes I don't want to come home. Sometimes I just want to keep driving.
Today was a good day. Until someone told me about a friend who doesn't seem to be a friend like I thought. Is t good to know this person has a second face? I guess. But it turns a good thing into a bad thing. And it's one more voice inside my head that's turned out right. "They probably don't even like you." Yep. She's right.
I write to you because I don't really have anyone else I can tell. Who would I say this to that wouldn't think I was crazy? Who would I talk to that wouldn't argue with me? That wouldn't try to tell me I was wrong? How does that help me?
How can I feel /wrong/? I just need someone to listen. I just need someone I can break down with and fall apart with. I just want someone to understand how I feel and tell me it's ok to feel that way.
Sometimes it hurts so bad that I think it will kill me. And that would be ok. At least it would be over.
Stay strong. Always keep fighting. Sometimes I just do it not to disappoint you. Which sounds... crazy.
-Patty
