Dear Jared;
I think I’ve found a new form of therapy. It’s cheaper than booze, anyway.
I can’t figure out why I’m so unhappy. Good things happen, bad things happen, it doesn’t seem to matter, I’m just always hearing the negative things and who can fight through that to the positive again? It just seems never ending... like being held underwater.
I just wanted to write it down, to say thank you for giving me a person to be accountable to. Sure I know you’ll never /actually/ read these, but it helps. Maybe in some universe somewhere I’d disappoint you if I just...disappeared. You do all this nice stuff for your fans. All these conventions, you leave your family and work on Supernatural, on top of AKF, I just don’t want to let you down.
What if you heard, somehow, about my suicide, and thought “Damn could I have helped her?” I don’t want to let you down. I don’t want you to think there was something you could have done for me that you haven’t already.
You’re awesome, and if I just keep taking one ragged breath after another, AKF works for me. Right? I’m trying. I really am. Thank you for being someone I can count on, when I really feel like sometimes you’re the only one.
Still fighting,
Patty
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